Opinions.

This isn't just another sob story or a teenage rant.
This is my opinion. Feel free to share your own.
I tried my hardest to be the best person I can be. I really did try. But now as I sit here musing over everything, I wonder why do I deserve this? Why do I deserve this pain? Why do I lay in bed every night with a hurt heart and wake up with reality seeping in my mind and pretend my memories are dreams or a book I read? Every time I wake up, I want to numb everything and sleep. What would death be like? Would it be like sleeping? Just pitch black and not knowing you're living or dead? No thinking, not knowing or conscious of anything. Not even conscious that you have/had a life...
And if you think this is about the opposite sex, think not. It's not about being unable to find "the one ".
This is pain.
Back stabbing.
Lies.
Deceit.
Torture.
Suffering.
Nothing at all to do with "the right one " because, frankly, there is no such thing.
The world lies. We're all liars. Wretched liars that deserve the lies and pain we're fed.
And because of this, I have come to the conclusion that I do deserve this. I deserve this pain because I've lied. I've lied to myself that I did find "the one ". The guy for me. The guy that won't break my heart. The. One.
There's no such thing as "the one ". That's a myth to the world to make the broken hearted comforted. We're made to marry who we're knocked up with. We're made to love the willing and desperate. We're made to sleep with whoever cares. We're made for no one.
Love is only in the mind. Everything you feel after a heartbreak or on a first date is not your heart, it's your mind and hormones. It's just muscles, and glands that make you think you are what you are.
Marriage is just a piece of paper. Paper, everyone. I can do the same justice without a piece of paper and people in tailored suits and large wallets telling me that me and some unfortunate human are bound together for the rest of our lives. I apologise to all those with the firm belief that abstinence is key. Back in the day there were no such thing as marriage. Think on that.
So here I come to with my final decision. My future plan so to speak. I don't have dreams like every other person in this world does. I have moments or passions that I want to achieve. One of these moments is lying on my vintage paint splattered sofa in my own apartment in Florida, with a little one laughing and playing around the room. Of course, having a child means a male figure; however, I see no male figure in this passion of mine. Why is that? Because of all of thee above and the fact that I doubt anyone will be willing to drop everything and journey with me toward my dream or passion, whichever you want to call it. There won't be anyone in my way of telling me how to live my life and hold me back from what I truly want to do. The money aspect will be hard to manage and raising a child alone as well, but I have faith. I may not have faith in everything and everyone else, but I have faith in me. I am the only one that I can trust.
Sure, there may be a guy out there that's everything I want and won't put me through what I've already experienced, but they'll screw me over in one way or another or put me through things that I haven't been put through already.
Of course, things may change and my views of this may too, but as of now, it's something for you personally to feast on. It's time to think for yourself and believe what you want rather than what others and your orginized religion wants you to believe.